My life as a doula (so far, anyway)...

Mid-April marked one year since I took the training to officially become a birth doula. In my first year of taking on multiple clients, I have experienced many different kinds of births, many different kinds of mothers and families-- each unique in their own way.

I have learned that it is more difficult than I ever thought to not take personally what happens during a birth-- that just because things happen differently than the mother had hoped or planned, does not mean that it was my fault that it happened that way. I am not God, and I can't control what happens during a birth, or go back in time and change things-- I just need to accept how things happen, as they happen, and not carry my expectations into a birth with me. Each birth happens so differently, and I am growing to appreciate that nothing is predictable, not even my own feelings about the process, or the emotions and interventions that come up during the process. I have become aware that being surrounded by a support network of other doulas (thank you Katie, Jessi, Robyn, and JoAnn!) is essential to processing the gammet of situations that arise during the birth process.

I am also learning, more and more, and coming to believe more and more firmly, that women are VERY strong, they are very capable, and they have everything they need to birth their baby in THEIR own way. I have learned that no matter what that looks like for each individual, it is essential that I support and nuture that way, the mother's way, and not my own way. There is a least one incident from every birth that I sometimes wish I could go back and do or say differently, but it was what it was, and it is what it is. I am not perfect, not even close, and doing this work reminds me that I have a lot of things I still need to work through on my own so that I can set them aside and move in closer and more intimately with each mom I work with.

I have learned this year that every mother has a different learning style-- some just want me to be there for those teachable moments during the birthing process, and others want to gather all of the information they possibly can for the arrival of their baby. Whatever the method, I am learning to be diversified in the ways that I communicate and talk through the entire process with the families I work with. I have learned the importance of constant flexibility and availability by phone, email, and text for every family I am on call for. I am still learning how to have some boundaries between my work and personal life, and that each moment I have to recharge in my personal life is a vital step toward being a whole and filled up doula. Each time I meet with a family, I want to have something to offer to them.

Being a doula is hard, hard work. Harder than I ever thought that it would be. I take this job really seriously, and I have SO much more to learn. Yet, sometimes I remember back to the early days, before I was officially a doula, when I really knew nothing. I can recall the wonderfulness of being innocent to the sometimes harsh facts and experiences of medicalized birth. This is really still just the beginning. I guess I will just have to take it one step at a time.

Thanks for reading. Signing off until next time.