5 Things a partner can do to help!

Sometimes when I work with Dads and other partners, they are unsure about what exactly they can do to help a mom, though they always want to support her in the best way possible. Here are some easy things you can do, and she will definitely remember all you did to support her in making her dream birth come true.

1. Support her in her choices. One of the most empowering things you can do for the mother of the baby is to offer your non-judgemental support. This is her body, and the more that she can listen to what it is telling her the better. It will mean the world to her if you support her choices, and help her to advocate for her choices wherever she is birthing, and speak up for her if you know she needs something, or if you know she did not want any medications or interventions offered to her.

2. Be there with her. The more that you can just be there with her, the better. Of course, everyone needs time to rest and eat, especially during long labors. In these cases, it is not a bad idea to have the support of a second person, such as a doula, who can continue to offer support to the mother when you take a break. Don't forget that taking a break is also a great gift to yourself-- to be recharged and re-energized as the support she really needs.

3. Do your homework. Knowing different ideas for comfort measures to offer as well as different positions she can labor in will be a huge help. Sometimes this can be difficult to remember, so it is a good idea to bring your copy of The Birth Partner, by Penny Simkin along with you to the hospital. An even better idea is to have a doula (can you tell, I am biased : ) ) who is a walking talking reference book, and can suggest varying coping methods and positions depending on the stage of labor she is in, and how she is feeling, and what she is needing most.

4. Your encouraging words. There is no other person in the world that can say things to the mother that will be as meaningful as the words you say. Keep things always in a positive light: "You are strong. You are doing this. You are the strongest and most beautiful woman in the world. Okay, on the next one, let's try this new position or technique....."She is very suggestible in labor, and every positive thought you give her will help her gather the strength for the next wave of intensity.

5. Your love and care. Everyone in the mother's care team will be focused on her and the baby's health and well-being, but no one else can provide the affection that the mother needs like you can. Tell her how much you love her and show her affection. Oxytocin is the natural hormone that drives labor, and the more you can do to support that by having intimate love and care for her, the better things will be for both her and baby. Kissing, touching, and making out are all encouraged during the birthing process!